Feelings and Memories
by Cha0tic-Foxy
Summary: A secret santa fanfic gift for someone in the RP LJ community. America once again reminisces that past as he cleans the storage closet. He wonders his feelings about his former guardian.


_It's been awhile since I got here. I never thought I would come here again ever since the day I've decided to clean it._

America was standing in a multitude of old and dusty items he had left in the closet room. All what contained in this room were parts of his memories.

Memories that he shared with England back in the old days.

It was those days when England told him to become a part of his life and fought the very end until he was almost breathless and penniless as he fought against France. That same and old England who cradled under his arms, singing that sweet, old lullaby song that would put the young child to sleep, whispering assuring words that he would help and protect the child from all costs of danger.

He cringed at the thought as he set back the objects back the old, dry boxes, trying to organize by categories. He then painfully folded up some few aged clothes and packed up some few other supplies. The boxes were soon packed up, leaving America again in this god-forsaken closet.

_It hurts to think about it. But it hurts even more not to._

He rose himself from the floor, dusting off the filth from his trousers.

His murky and dulled blue eyes roamed around the room, hoping to find something to cheer him up a bit. He noticed an antique and stylish wooden chest lying across the room, shut closed with a rusty iron lock on it. Alfred moved forward curiously at the chest, noticing that the lock has already been unbolted. He removed the lock, tossed it aside and opened the chest. As he peer his head curiously, he looked to see what it contains.

His once gloomed eyes brightened with the intensity glint of blue ocean hues as his hands began to wander the contents of the chest. He soon pulled out a ragged and patched-up white bunny toy, stroking off its ears as he smiled gently.

* * *

_It was a nice warm, early spring outside the fields of the American soil. The warmth from the sun touched every living being and warmed them up from the cold and bitter winter that the creatures slumbered through._

"_America. I have something for you."_

_The small 7-year-old looked up at the British __armed them up he thought of it ore than as a brother or a father.__man's tender smiling face, blinking with pure and innocent curiosity as he stroked the feeling of smooth and silky fur through his small fingers. A small bundle of white and black fur was nudging around in his arms, its ears perking up a few times before it continued to munch on its piece of lettuce. _

_America wasn't allowed to keep any animals as pets, including the rabbit he was clutching on. A few days ago, he had a little fight with England. America was angry on how England didn't want the animals inside the house; on how he said America wasn't ready in keeping an animal. Hot tears were streaming out from his eyes, yelling back why he can't keep them. All he got as an answer was he wanted to protect him from harm._

_America has no clue on what he meant when he said that . _

_He only just sniffed in response at the sudden memory still burning in his mind. "Y-you have something for me?" America tried his best not to make his voice croaked badly._

_England began to shift uncomfortably in sense of the child's distress, his two hands hiding __behind his back. He knew he should feel guilty for not allowing any pets but he knew very well that America was quite attached to his animal friends. He was afraid witnessing a distress scene, America who was grasping a dead corpse of once his beloved pet, crying profusely and painfully at his lost._

_He didn't want America to experience such a traumatic event. England knew very well how painful it could be. That's why he came to the rule on banning pets._

_He put on his best smile for the youngster as he knelt besides America, looking at the small creature in his hands. He opened his mouth to break off the silence. "How's Helen is doing, America?" asked England as he stared at fluff rabbit. America was still not looking at his emerald eyes. "This isn't Helen. I thought she would be at the usual spot today so I came here to look for her. She hasn't been here for the past few days," said America solemnly as he stroked the bunny's ears, "but I did find this little guy."_

_England had feared the worst that possibly something bad had happened to poor rabbit Helen. It was best not to tell him. He properly sat down on the grass, his two hands still hiding their presence. He then took one of his hands to pat the soft fur of the adorable creature. England beamed a tender smile the last time __pat the soft fur of the adorable creature. or rabbit Helen.__he had this little furry friend as a pet. Of course, it was different if you compare on unicorns and other mythical beasts he befriended over the past centuries. _

_America looked up to England. He noticed something white and a long piece of small wool fabric sticking out from the hiding hand. With curious getting the best out of him, he scouted his head behind England's back in which he gasped with surprise._

"_Arthur! What's this?!"_

_Taken by surprise, England jumped out, his face showed a mixture of shock and panic as he concealed the object properly behind his back. "A-Alfred! Didn't I taught you not to sneak unexpectedly on people?!" said England bashfully as he stuttered out his words._

_America was slightly hurt from England's scolding but that didn't change his mind on what he saw. "I-Is that for me?" he asked as he pointed his finger towards the mysterious object._

_It felt it was the best time to show it to him; he took out the object, revealed to be a small and white knitted bunny plushie he made. The doll was the sweetest thing America ever saw. He grabbed hold onto it, not noticing how bandaged England's hands were. He yelled with glee as he spun in circles and flung the stuffed animal into the air, catching it each time it came down towards him. England chuckled at the joyous sight of his affectionate little brother that so reminded how innocent can childhood be. It was totally worth with all the stabbing and piercing of the knitting needle he had been through. _

* * *

America promised himself that he wouldn't cry anymore. That he would stop reminiscing about the past and put up his best smile for everyone like he always had been. He washed up a tear streaming down his cheek, chuckling at his own weakness.

"Haha. Look at me. How pathetic I am. You did some many great things for me, took care and protected me and I even didn't thank you at all. I-I just wish… I was there for you… to let you know you're not alone. That I'm always there for you." A heaved sigh escaped from his mouth, hoping for a better day to come.

_Ding dong._

Alarmed by the doorbell entrance echoing through the hallways, America pulled himself up from the floor, putting back the rabbit doll into the chest as he left the room. He finally reached to the hallway entrance; his hand placed on the doorknob and turned it open.

Behind the door was a shorter blonde man, his emerald green eyes uneasily stared at the American while his body shifted uncomfortably. He yelped out loudly when the door suddenly swung open.

"Bloody America! Don't scare me like that?!" barked England as he feel his tense rising inside of him. America blinked back in confusion. A smile grin spread on his face as he mockingly teased his former guardian. "What's wrong England? Is my awesomeness made you trembled with fear?"

England scoffed at the mocking tone, grunting how ungrateful the younger nation is acting right now. "Whatever. Just get your bomber jacket. We're going to be late for the movie theatres if we don't move our arses fast enough." Nodding in agreement, America took his jacket from the clothing rack stand and shut the door behind him as he walked down the street walk with England.

"Say Arthur. After the movies, shall we go to the park and have some ice-creams together?" asked America happily as his gaze were locked onto England.

Sensing the American's happiness, England can't help but to blush in embarrassment. "T-that sounds nice enough. Just don't go overboard with too much eating junk food, like last time… you fool." America laughed wholeheartedly as he swung his arm around England's shoulder, chatting like a hyperactive kid to his most cherished one.

* * *

_England. I may abandon you in the past. I may cause you a lot of pain since I left you and won my Independence from you. But you see England; you can't always watch me over forever. I need to grow. I need this growth to become strong, strong enough to fend off my enemies; strong enough to lead my people and expanding my nation._

_England, I never had the chance to say this to you. Maybe it was because you still hate me for what I did. Or maybe I was nervous on how you would react if I ever told you this. _

_But England, I love you. I love you more than as a brother or as a father._

_I love you so much.__y this, maybe it was because you still hate me or that _

_Do you think you would respond the same feelings as I do?_

* * *

**Author**: Hello again. I haven't really finished yet the other two stories that I suppose to work on but give me some time. ^^; I spent my christmas and New Years with my whole family (well, not really everyone. xD Just my 2 aunts and my uncle-in-law) so I didn't have time to finish 'Prussia Almighty Request' and the other US/UK fanfic 'A Cupful of Memories: The sequel".

This was actually a secret santa gift from a role-palying community from livejournal (Hetaliablogs) for someone who was rping as England. Hope she/he liked it (and as well not mad at me for posting this). ^^

And please, do not hesitate on correcting my grammar on this or any of my fanfics. :) English is not really my first language I spoke. Also, I noticed something iffy (I mean strange) happened to this when I submitted it. Like some parts of the previous sentences shifted to the next paragraph or sentence and got mixed together. I found two of them so far. Oo; Please let me know.


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